Honestly Living

(When the propane runs out, cook on the fire.)

It would be misleading to tell you that living so simply is easy. In fact, it's quite the opposite. And yet everyday I get up and greet the sun, even if I had to get up before it for several months.

Spring is coming. I say coming because I thought it was already here, but then 2 feet of snow dumped on us. It turns out I need the sunshine to keep a good mood. I have been very depressed the last few months, hence the not writing thing. In all honesty, there are several poo-y entries that I didn't post because they were reactionary downers.

Moving is hard anyway. Meeting new people has been difficult for me. What?!, you say. Yes, it's true. The further into myself I got, the less I was confident, the worse I would feel. Terrible cycle. I decided early this month that that had to stop. I have met some great people though.

Brenda is an RN in labor and delivery that I met a while before we moved and now babysit for. She and her husband are smart, funny and earth friendly. They have two wee boys that I love. She tells me sometimes that I am a saving grace, but I don't think she realizes what a savior she has been for me. You see when it's winter, there is no living, only surviving; something I am sure pioneer women before me knew from infancy. I don't want to just survive. I want to live. I want to be productive and useful and Brenda gave me that. I will be forever grateful.

Rebecca is another outstanding woman that I babysit for. She also has two little ones. One baby girl and one little boy. Rebecca lives apart from her partner too, so we have that in common. She has also welcomed me into her home and let me be useful. I love to cook for her and clean up. I love to hang the laundry out to dry and bring the wood in from the cart out back. Usefulness is uplifting.

Then there's Shelly and Laurie. They have a son in Number 3's class. I met Laurie first, on the sidewalk outside of the school. When the four of us (Tris and I and Shelly and Laurie) get together, the conversation doesn't stop. It's such a huge relief to hang out with another queer couple. It's like a little bit of Phoenix has caught up with us. Shelly and Laurie are really funny and very smart. We talk about queerness and running and parenting and love.

The trailer has a new name; The Tin Can. It's a very negative name for something so trustworthy as the roof over our heads. I guess I gave it that name in anger. Aside from plumbing problems, the first thaw revealed a leak in the roof. And we still do not have running water. A fact I have not revealed to my mother, so, please if you know her, don't mention this. It will only worry her. We get by without it. My next post will be a revelation of the many things I have learned about living out here.

This weekend, I am beginning month four and things are easing a bit for me. The sun is shining. Daytime temps are in the mid to high 50's. The kids are adjusting well and are more grateful for the little pleasure than ever before. I am writing again. Tris has been smiling and laughing, a sure sign the world is right. I am gearing up to get back to school and finish once and for all. I have jobs, however close to the edge I may be skimming. I have a few almost-friends in Williams also; several women I could call for a early dinner date or coffee. I am getting ready to plan my small container garden. I am learning to be grateful for what I do have and what I have had.