Monday, September 1, 2014

Currently-The Less-Sappy-Than-I-Thought Edition

Third sister pending. Kimmy's and my new "sister" tattoos. 

I haven't done a Currently  in a very long time; over a year, I'm sure. I am just now getting back into public writing after my life fell apart. It's a good sign that I am on the mend. I am hoping that I won't get emo, but I really don't think about what I am going to write for these posts until I am writing. So let's get started.

I am currently needing nothing. I have a roof over my head, a bike and a bus pass, a phone in my name (woohoo!!!!), my bills are up to date, my credit is mending, my sister will be here tomorrow, the kids are relatively healthy, enough food in the house, money in the bank, a cool, but not cold night, a sweet new sister tattoo, glasses that let me see what I am writing, and a set of panniers for my bikecycle on the way!! Wanting is another story though!

What/ who am I missing? I am missing my friends in Phoenix and Seattle, the love of a partner, the feeling of air on my skin when I ride my bike down the hills, my Minnesota family and the state in general, and I think that's it.

Reading, reading, reading...that's all I do in grad school. I am currently reading The Shipping News and Beautiful Girls for my own pleasure, and Making Healthy Places:Designing and Building for Health, Well-being, and Sustainability and Health and Community Design: The Impact of the Built Environment on Human Activity for a class. I am also reading an article called, The Impact of Community Design and Land Use Choices on Public Health: A Scientific Research Agenda. I know you're jealous. These last three are thrilling reads!

I am hoping for so many things. Some things that I am hoping for are too much for me to type out, but I will try. I am hoping my heart will mend. I am hoping that I will not feel broken forever and that I will be able to love again. I am hoping that trust in others will come back. I am hoping that someday I will be able to show my kids that love really is possible and can be worked through. I am hoping for her struggle to be understood and dealt with. I am hoping that my days are full of love and laughter. I am hoping that, one day, I will find myself again.

We have been playing a lot of board games and card games lately. I love playing with my boys, but so often, I am busy trying to keep the house running somewhat smoothly. Some days they understand and some days they feel robbed of a mom. Being a single mom to three is challenging. We've also been exploring and playing a ton of new music. Thank you, Spotify,  for your unending lists of suggestions!

That concludes my ramblings. Have a super safe week and remember that every person you meet is fighting a battle. Love and compassion will be what saves us. Smile at a stranger, strike up a conversation, call a long lost friend you haven't spoken to in forever. Whatever you do, do it with love; lead with your heart.

God and Not Having a Car

It's been said that God gives you what you can't give yourself. Sometimes, God's like, "Hey! Asshole! I keep trying to tell you this in nice ways, but you don't listen, so I am going to do something extremely painful." And sometimes, I hear that whisper the first time and listen. I am not religious. For me, God is nature, the sun, laughter, smiles, strangers with messages, life happening around me, friends, plants, science, hope, creativity, books, and love. I use the name God generically and interchangeably with the Universe, Goddess, Love, Inner Voice, and Nature. I hear God through my intuition, other peoples words, books, and poems. I know I can trust that all will be okay if I do the footwork and wait for the answer.

The chain of events leading up to this post:

March 2014:
The whisper: This guy is a fraud. Don't buy the car.
My plan: Buy the car without an inspection. Believe the dude is honest and good.
The reaction: Car breaks after 83 miles. I sue and win, but still don't have my money. 
God's reaction: "I told you so, Dumbass."
The repercussion: I have to borrow cars until I get the money or the car becomes available. I borrow T's car that I just gave back three days before. 

May 2014:
The Whisper: Give the car back and get off of T's phone plan. Autonomy. 
My Plan: Call T and make a mess of something that didn't need to be messy. 
The reaction: She got pissed and took away the car and shut off my phone. Quite warranted.  
God's reaction: "I told you so, Dumbass." 
The repercussion: No car. On my parent's phone plan. Must borrow cars from friends and sister. 

August 2014:
The Whisper: It's getting close to the time you won't have a car. Get a good bike and bus passes. 
My plan: Keep calm and know that all will work out as it is supposed to. Stop worrying because I have never been left without a solution if I chose to listen. Buy a great 24-speed road bike, get a free bus pass from work, and make the kids ride the bus all the time. 
The reaction: Kids are put out. I feel free.  
God's reaction: "Are you finally getting it, Numbskull?"
The repercussion: Strong body, gaining spiritual strength, kids who know how to ride public transit and are grateful when we have a car, an awesome bike, more money, I have gas money still in my account, and a smaller carbon footprint. We only buy what is truly necessary at the store because too much stuff equals too heavy on my bike and a pain in the ass to get home on the bus. 

The moral of this story is that when I listen to my intuition (God, Higher Power, the Universe, what-have-you), I reduce my stress level, save money, stay fit, and the biggest lesson: I have been wanting to ditch the car as my main mode of transport for many years. I made many excuses why I couldn't, but still I knew that I should. God had a plan to get me there and when I quit fighting, God did for me what I couldn't do for myself. "Trust in the plan, Jen."